Monday, September 19, 2011

God Made Me Do It

There is a monster inside me today that really wants out. Normally, I would just let it come out, for better or worse (usually worse). Today I will hold it back, sort of. Today, instead of retaliating in anger at the person who has been mean to me, I will just breathe. And pray. And type. And I will feel better when I'm done. 

Someone I thought was my friend has said some things and done some things that aren't very friendly. Since I live in the town that's the size of a postage stamp, these things have gotten back to me. I want to send her a nice message asking her politely to stop saying hurtful things about me. Yeah right. There's a long list of things I want to do to her, none of which are even remotely nice or polite. I keep reminding myself that we are adults and this is not junior high school. That doesn't make it easier though. 

So why the sudden desire decision to be nice? God made me do it.

I have been trying to be a better person--doing more of the good stuff (praying, smiling, holding my tongue), and less of the bad stuff (skipping church, gossiping). I wish I could say it was all my idea and these were changes that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside but that's not completely accurate. I know that these small things are all part of His plan for my life and I did make the conscious decision to submit to His will. As far as the warm fuzzy feelings, eh, it's more like a roller coaster of emotions that makes me think of the little Angel/Devil on my shoulders. I'm trying to be good but it's exhausting--it's much easier to just be myself. 

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 NIV

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