There is a monster inside me today that really wants out. Normally, I would just let it come out, for better or worse (usually worse). Today I will hold it back, sort of. Today, instead of retaliating in anger at the person who has been mean to me, I will just breathe. And pray. And type. And I will feel better when I'm done.
Someone I thought was my friend has said some things and done some things that aren't very friendly. Since I live in the town that's the size of a postage stamp, these things have gotten back to me. I want to send her a nice message asking her politely to stop saying hurtful things about me. Yeah right. There's a long list of things I want to do to her, none of which are even remotely nice or polite. I keep reminding myself that we are adults and this is not junior high school. That doesn't make it easier though.
So why the sudden
I have been trying to be a better person--doing more of the good stuff (praying, smiling, holding my tongue), and less of the bad stuff (skipping church, gossiping). I wish I could say it was all my idea and these were changes that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside but that's not completely accurate. I know that these small things are all part of His plan for my life and I did make the conscious decision to submit to His will. As far as the warm fuzzy feelings, eh, it's more like a roller coaster of emotions that makes me think of the little Angel/Devil on my shoulders. I'm trying to be good but it's exhausting--it's much easier to just be myself.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
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