The Future Without Me

I wrote my will today.  Not that I'm expecting something to happen, but you never know.  I work for an attorney so I see people in and out making out their will and planning for the future without them in it.  Since my legal documents are free, I decided that I had waited long enough.  We had already decided who would get the children in case we both die at the same time.  Oddly, we chose a couple who are not our relatives.  Both of our parents are older and raising small children would be a burden to them.  I'm sure they would never consider it that way but I want them to have a life as close as possible to the one we have planned for them now.  I have one sister whom I love dearly but she is a single mother.  Nothing against single mothers, in fact, I admire the job she and other single parents have to do.  Saddling her with three extra kids, even her nieces and nephew, would be a burden.  My husband has one brother, whom I love dearly.  In fact, he lived with us for several years and labeled himself the "manny."  He is great with the kids and I know that he would take great care of them.  But he's single and wild, not yet grown into his sense of responsibility.  Undoubtedly, he would take the children, gladly.  But it would also be a burden to him; a premature end to his never ending childhood.  

So we chose our friends.  It wasn't a decision we took lightly.  Our friends who are only a few years older than we are and whose kids are a few years older than ours.  Our friends who parent the way we do, who live a lifestyle similar to us and whose home is like a second home to our kids.  Not that it would be an easy transition, but it would be a smooth transition.  So we put it in writing, it's official.  Not that it can't be changed but it feels good to make plans.  Even if they are plans for what happens after me.  


And now for a funny conversation between me and my dear, much younger friend, Paula...


Paula  "I MISS YOU, YOU HERMIT."
Me  "I'm such a hermit.  And I miss you too."
Paula  "I NEVER SEE YOU ANYWHERE. LITERALLY!"
Me  "I never go anywhere.  Work, walmart, home.  And church.  That's pretty much my life."
Paula  "That is depressing.  Not going to lie to you."


So now I'm explaining how it has really been nice to slow down and uncomplicate things for a while.  My life is much simpler now.  In early January, my husband was hospitalized with stroke-like symptoms, and eventually diagnosed with transient global amnesia and multi-factorial migraines, which, to date, have not completely subsided, despite the doctors' best efforts.  For the past couple of months, we have really just taken things one day at a time and cut out all the unnecessary drama.  It took me a little while to embrace that.  I'm sort of a control freak.  Eventually, I know things will speed back up a little but I don't want to go back to where we were before.  Things were out of control.  Now, we're moving slower, making more conscious decisions, acting deliberately.  Living on purpose, with purpose.  And it feels amazing.